Why the Hell Would Salesforce Want to Buy Twitter?

Rumors surfaced today that Salesforce was interested in buying Twitter — boosting Twitter stock at least temporarily to highs it hasn’t experienced since early January.

Of course, Salesforce isn’t the only rumored suitor. Every tech company seems suddenly smitten with the struggling microblogging platform, including Google, Microsoft and Verizon, depending on which source you believe.

Salesforce Waited Too Long

The only thing suspect about the Salesforce speculation is the timing. Everyone knows the well-oiled Salesforce publicity machine would have intentionally leaked this juicy tidbit earlier in the week to disrupt Oracle’s OpenWorld coverage, given half the chance.

But there is the chance, albeit small, that the news was drowned in the steady stream of press releases Salesforce has been pumping to draw more attention to itself in advance of next month’s Largest Tech Show on Earth, Dreamforce, being held in San Francisco.

Could This Be Big Microsoft Ignite News?

Microsoft Ignite kicks off Monday in Atlanta, so maybe, just maybe, the rumors are timed to steal some thunder from that event … unless the Salesforce chatter is just that and Microsoft is the real buyer after all?

Now there would be some interesting news to (forgive me) ignite interest in a conference and proactively keep everyone from focusing on the food and other indignities, as they did at the inaugural Ignite in 2015.

So Many Rumors and Innuendo

There’s just no end to possible scenarios. But here’s what we know right now. As of early Friday afternoon:

• Twitter stock is up more than 18 percent
• Salesforce stock is down more than 5 percent
• Microsoft stock is down less than 1 percent
• Google stock is down less than 1 percent
• Verizon stock is up about .5 percent

It’s Friday … a nice long weekend ahead to debate probable outcomes. So what happens in this cliffhanger?

• Does Salesforce snap up Twitter for absolutely no known business reason?
• Does Microsoft grind another standalone product into its corporate sausage maker?
• Does Verizon, unable to suck much data from its dwindling landline business, ditch its Yahoo buy in the wake of its record-setting data breach and acquire Twitter instead? 
• Does Google, dissatisfied with knowing how we search, who we email and how warm we like our residences, become even more entwined in our daily lives?
• Or does some other business we haven’t even mentioned ride in like a knight to rescue the ailing bird?

Obviously, it’s hard to know. But isn’t it fun to speculate? Share your thoughts below.